Meadow Elisabeth Goodman was born on June 21, 2008, the same day of the year as her mother, Lulu Lopez Goodman, who said that Meadow was the greatest birthday present ever. This was Greg and Lulu Goodman’s 2nd child, little sister to Eden Goodman, born in San Antonio, Texas, shortly before moving to Austin in August 2008. Since then, Meadow and her siblings, Eden and Ezra (who was born in Austin in December of 2009), grew up in the Northwest Hills suburb of Austin.

Meadow was a sweet, loving child who gained a reputation for being strong of will and rebellious, with her own ideas regarding how the world worked. As Meadow grew up, these traits helped shape her passion for music and theatre while giving her the edge of a born leader.

From Meadow’s hesped at her memorial service, her father Greg spoke about Meadow’s childhood:

“Meadow had her own set of unique traits, both physically and personality-wise. As a toddler, Meadow looked like a little sprite, with her trademark pixie haircut, and large, bright, saucer-like eyes. From an early age, Meadow had a bright inner light and a strong spirit. She was short in stature but had a commanding presence. “Tiny, but mighty” as Lulu used to say.”

From Kindergarten through 5th grade, Meadow and her brother Ezra went through the Mandarin Immersion Program at Doss Elementary. One fun memory that the family has is traveling through Chinatown in San Francisco and both kids interacting with some of the Chinese shop-owners in Mandarin. It was always a surprise to see two non-asian looking children holding down a conversation with shop-owners in their native tongue!

Also from Meadow’s memorial: “Meadow also loved to dance and she enjoyed playing and listening to music. She had first learned how to play the piano, just like Eden and Ezra, and then decided that playing the drums was more her style.” Meadow came from a musical family with not only her younger brother as a gifted pianist and her father as an active musician, but also her uncle Bryan as well as her grandfather and her great uncle. Meadow also liked to teach her friends how to play the drums and she also tried to teach her mother as well!

Meadow’s strong spirit shone throughout her childhood. Despite her bubbly and fun personality, she did not mince words when it came to describing how she felt about people. As her father said at her memorial “If Meadow liked you, she would let you know. However, if Meadow didn’t like you, she would also let you know. To your face. Simply put, she liked what she liked and didn’t really like to be told what to do. She was direct and unabashedly blunt about what she thought was real and what she thought was “fake news”, something she liked to say to me when she didn’t get the answer she wanted after making a request. She was a tough customer and I loved that about her.”

As Meadow moved through childhood and into teenagehood, the Coronavirus Pandemic was spreading, and by April 2022, most of the United States was on lockdown, dealing with an unknown virus with unknown implications. For many children in Meadow’s generation, COVID-19 (and the resulting quarantine) posed a thread to the mental health of everyone, especially children who were going through adolescence. After heading into high school and just turing 14 during the summer of 2022, Meadow started to show signs of mental health struggles.

*As a warning, some of the following might be sensitive for teenagers and families that are currently struggling with mental health issues.

Meadow’s first indication of mental health struggles was when it was discovered she was engaging in self-harm activities, which at the time was cutting. Like a lot of children, Meadow tried to hide her self-harm, but her oldest sister Eden became aware of what was happening and informed her parents. Greg and Lulu, already having familiarity with this situation with Eden (who dealt with her own struggles when she was Meadow’s age), immediately found a licensed therapist for Meadow. Talk therapy was difficult for Meadow who, like most children her age, had a hard time trying to articulate what she was feeling. After a few sessions, her therapist had diagnosed her with major depressive disorder due to her history of self-harm, as well as suicidal ideation (also known as SI). It was suggested that she and the family meet with a psychiatrist to talk about an initial medication protocol, a typical course of action for teenagers dealing with similar mood disorders. Meadow was interviewed and immediately placed on a baseline selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). Again, the start of Meadow’s journey of mental health struggles was very typical of most teenagers experiencing similar issues.

Initially, it was hard to determine the effectiveness of the medication, but Meadow’s situation was watched closely. After a few months of being on medication and attending regular therapy, the Goodman’s got a call from Meadow’s therapist indicating that Meadow had revealed she had made a suicide attempt. It was quickly determined that Meadow was unsafe and her therapist recommended that she go to the emergency room until an inpatient program could be found.

The Goodmans took immediate action, checking Meadow into a local-area children’s hospital that had a mental health division. Meadow was eventually admitted as an inpatient (also called overnight care) directly from the ICU, which lasted for multiple weeks, until she was determined to not be a danger to herself and allowed to return home. Mental health professionals at the hospital, as well as her therapist, further recommended that Meadow participate in out-patient programs that included partial-hospitalization programs (PHP) and intensive outpatient programs (IOP). The clinicians and therapists at the mental health facility saw no reason to add to her diagnosis after interviewing and spending time with Meadow in an inpatient setting.

Both of the PHP and IOP programs Meadow attended incorporated Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a skills-based therapy that aims to build skills in emotional regulation during mental health crises. Teenagers struggling with mood-related disorders are taught DBT therapies and learn how to use them and in what situations to employ them. While Meadow fully demonstrated to the mental health practitioners at the hospital she understood the DBT skills and could replicate them, she was also cavalier in her effort to demonstrate what she had learned. During the IOP parent sessions that included parents, children and mental health practitioners, therapists would show parents what skills the children were learning in a given week. During Meadow’s experience at PHP and IOP, she continually commented how the entire program was a sham and a waste of her time because she knew everything, and that she was ready to be released. Meadow saw these sessions as an opportunity to show off her knowledge of DBT skills while also being disruptive and making everyone in the room laugh. As a parent witnessing their child being obnoxious, fueled by the laughter of parents and therapists alike, it was hard not to also laugh, but there was also the realization that Meadow was just in it to cause chaos and to make everyone laugh.

Meadow knew that her release from IOP hinged on signing a safety plan, which is a written “contract” that outlines specific steps and resources, including DBT skills, that an individual can use to manage suicidal thoughts, urges, or self-harming behaviors in times of crisis. Even though Meadow demonstrated she knew the DBT skills she was taught, being true to her defiant nature, she made it clear to both her therapists and to her parents that she had no intention to follow her safety plan. This left Lulu and Greg asking the clinicians to re-evaluate the situation, but it was cited that not only had Meadow checked all of the boxes regarding her knowledge of DBT skills, their insurance would not be able to cover an extended stay at IOP. Ultimately, Meadow outsmarted a team of mental health practitioners, telling them exactly what they wanted to hear, so that she could be released. Meadow signed her safety plan, but Greg and Lulu were left with an uneasy feeling that Meadow wasn’t doing the work necessary to address her pain.

After being released from IOP, Greg and Lulu knew that Meadow needed a higher level of individual care and were determined to get her the help she needed. Lulu worked tirelessly in a collaborative care approach with multiple therapists and psychiatrists on determining the proper care for Meadow. Unfortunately, Meadow had a great deal of difficulty connecting with any of the therapists she was paired up with. Meadow never felt comfortable enough to allow herself to be vulnerable and was unable to explore and extinguish the emotional pain that she was evidently experiencing. No matter how often Greg and Lulu checked in and asked how she was doing, Meadow would shut down in response, closing herself off.

Meadow really only liked to communicate with her friends, for which she had many. She was constantly with friends, especially the summer of 2023. After checking out of IOP, Meadow seemed like she was progressing and doing normal teenage things like sleepovers, get togethers, meeting at shopping centers, etc. This was not a child that appeared to be suffering from depression.

On the evening of Friday August 11, 2023, Meadow came into her parent’s room with a familiar ask. She had plans. She was seeing friends and needed a ride to the Domain and then to someone’s house, and all by a specific time. Of course, Lulu and Greg figured out who could do what based on their respective schedules. Meadow’s plans were set and then off to bed.

There was no indication, no clue, no warning that Meadow was going to take her own life.

Early in the morning, Saturday August 12, 2023, Meadow died by suicide at the age of 15. It was the most unimaginable end to a child’s life, one that was riddled with pain hidden from the rest of the world. No one, not her parents, syblings or friends had any indication Meadow was going to end her life early that morning. She had made plans….things to do, people to see. Meadow left no suicide note to anyone. Whatever Meadow was experiencing was in the moment and was not calculated. Clearly she was in unimaginable pain that no one knew about because she never was able to address it. The end result was that Meadow was out of her pain and the Goodman family’s pain was just beginning.

The devistation of that morning and the realization that your child is gone is an experience one never fully recovers from. A part of your family is gone forever and for Greg and Lulu, a piece of you is missing. Losing a child is one of the worst experiences parents and families can have, but picking up the pieces afterwards can feel just as painful. The questions that were left after losing Meadow centered around what underlying mental illness Meadow must have been dealing with to take her life in the manner that she did. Some of the therapists and medical professionals that knew Meadow and her situation suggested that Meadow might have been dealing with undiagnosed bipolar disorder, which is not typically diagnosed in children. This was all, of course, speculation, and the Goodmans would never be able to fully explore what Meadow was dealing with.

After experiencing a fundamental loss, a family has two choices: Hide away and deal with grief privately, or open up to accept love and support. The Goodmans chose the latter, and in doing so, made it very clear about Meadow’s struggle and how she took her own life. The hope was that being open about Meadow’s mental illness and subsequent suicide would be a cautionary tale to other families, prompting those dealing with mental illness to take action and leave no stone unturned.

The Goodman Family will forever be devastated with a wound that will never heal, but knowing that Meadow’s story could help others helps the pain. Meadow’s memory will live forever through her family and friends and her legacy will always be tied towards helping other teenagers in crisis.